Oh God, why am I Here?
by minky-way
Summary: Sei did not want to be here, the guy on one side of him had just thrown up all over the floor and the one on the other wouldn't get the message that he just wanted leaving alone. Being the designated driver was not fun, and he didn't even have his license


**This is based upon/written to the song- Here by Alessia Cara (Lucian Remix)**

* * *

"How come you're all by yourself?"

"Not really my scene," he replied, because that was polite enough right? The politest way to say he didn't know what the fuck he was doing here because really, this was _not_ his thing, he wished he was back at home by himself and spending his Friday night chilling.

"Let me guess, friend's dragged you out?"

"Basically," his eyes picked out his 'friends', easily enough, Koujaku dancing with some girl wearing a pathetic scrap of material supposed to be a dress, Aoba and Noiz were making out in the corner like some horny teenage couple, and Clear and Ren were nowhere to be seen. He didn't want to reply, he didn't want to get with this random guy who'd come up and started talking, no matter how attractive he was.

"So, what are you doing over here?" He asked even as Sei lifted his joint to his lips and took a drag, the only thing keeping his anxiety at bay enough for him not to just flee. "I mean, aside from getting high."

He sighed, this guy just didn't get it did he? He'd always been anti-social, but it got worse in strange situations, he wished they were just hanging out at Noiz's with some good music and a few casual drinks. "Nothing," he tried to seem as uninterested as he was, which wasn't difficult given that he'd really be anywhere else, grimacing as a girl emerged from one of the rooms leading off the main, hair messy and trying to fix her lipstick. Ew.

"Good party though, right?"

He rolled his eyes, he wasn't even bothering to seem polite now, he wanted this guy to go away and leave him alone, hopefully his friends would be ready to go in a couple of hours and he'd like to spend that time getting baked rather than pestered. "Not really."

"Hm, really not your thing. Want to go get some air then?" His offer seemed genuine enough but Sei's eyes narrowed because he knew what that was code for and oh god was this guy really so dense as to try that now?

"We're on the sixth floor," his voice was cold, gaze saying he understood exactly what was happening, mildly surprised when the guy didn't even blink.

"There's a balcony."

"Oh." He blinked, the weed had gone to his head and the room was fuzzy round the edges, perfect, anything to take him away from who he usually was. "Yeah, sure."

Why shouldn't he have fun for once? Why couldn't he start conversation with someone, disappear and worry his friends for once instead of the other way round? Hell, at the very least he might get to make out with him and that seemed like a great idea as he picked up his rolling tin and lighter, following the mystery guy out. The studs on his leather jacket shone under the harsh lights, green eyes glittering as he pushed open a door at the end of an empty hallway, bass of the music still throbbing but dimmed as they stepped out.

It wasn't the best space, barely big enough for four people, so they had to stand close, Sei lighting up a fresh joint because why couldn't he have fun for once? Being the designated driver, even just in spirit, was boring as hell and he was sick of being dragged out for a good time then being abandoned so he didn't get one.

"Oh, this is better, it was so hot in there," he removed his jacket to reveal an unbuttoned shirt over a tight muscle vest and impressive biceps and Sei felt like it was just as hot out here too. "Who you here with?"

He was still suspicious, but if he needed to make small talk he would, watching as his new found company lit a cigarette, normal though, no special green in his, he seemed sober. It immediately put him on edge, he knew about guys like this, they went to parties, stayed in control and prayed on drunk or drugged up people who couldn't say no.

But still, the smoke filtering into his brain was making everything move slower and he felt calmer than he had in so long, heart not pounding and fingers not shaking with nerves.

"My brother."

"Hm? He got a name… or?"

"Aoba." He replied shortly, rolling his eyes away as he leaned on the balcony, knocking ash into the air and watching as the sparks died out on their way to the ground. Huh, it was a long way down. "And Noiz, Ren, Clear, Koujaku. That enough?"

He didn't respond and for a minute Sei thought he had actually gotten the message, silently hoping he'd finish his cigarette and fuck off to leave him to spend the rest of the night on the balcony alone and looking out at the islands lights. "If you hate it so much, why don't you just go home?"

"Believe me, I would if I could. I'm the 'designated driver', though." He didn't actually drive, obviously, otherwise he wouldn't be getting stoned, but he was the one in charge of gathering possessions, ringing taxis or walking them home, and finding them beds for the night.

"Seems like you always are," he was perceptive, Sei wasn't sure if he was impressed or freaked out, he didn't know how long this guy had been watching him after all. There always seemed to be the same crowd at these parties, so there was a chance this guy had seen him before and watched him for tips to start conversation. But then, maybe the paranoia was just the drugs talking, throwing the remains off the balcony and holding out his hand.

"You got a cigarette I can have?" He didn't expect the answer to be no, not if the guy thought it might get him in his pants anyway, not that it would, the most he'd be getting was a kiss and maybe a cheeky grope if he felt really generous.

"Sure, can I have a name in return?"

"Mine or someone else's?" He smiled, suddenly realizing he was flirting, and oh, when had that happened? Somewhere in the pleasant light-headedness he saw the lighter flick, leaning in close to his hands and he could smell cigarettes and alcohol and… Ink?

"Well yours preferably, but no pressure." He was almost too nice, and Sei didn't know if he liked it, he felt like he was being charmed, remembering what Grandma always said, 'don't trust anyone with a smooth tongue.'

"Sei," but oh, smooth tongue or not it had slipped out into the air, but he decided he didn't care, it was only a name, he didn't have a surname or anything else.

He didn't respond to offer his own, and that annoyed Sei, it was ruining the gentle buzz that lapped behind his eyes and he didn't like anything that killed his buzz, nudging the stranger, "Do you have a name or should I just call you Mr. persistent?"

He chuckled and oh, it was like dark chocolate running down his throat or a feather along his spine, resonating deep in the bowl of his hips and he swallowed sweet cinnamon. "What a lovely nickname, are you always this charming?"

Ironic, that word, "just to you." Flirting, again, it slipped out without him even noticing, when sober him probably couldn't even say hello to someone, let alone outright flirt with them.

"I'm honored."

"Strange name, foreign?" Their eyes met and the guy's smile softened, eyes appraising as he gave him the quick up and down and ugh wasn't that cliché and gross as fuck. He kind of didn't mind the feeling of his eyes on him though, olive green making his head spin and his heartbeat slow down to a barely noticeable pound.

"You're funny," it might have been meant to sound sarcastic, but it didn't, he almost sounded impressed, maybe glad he'd found a pull who wasn't totally dead to the world for once. "It's Mizuki."

"Hm," he nodded, tapping his cigarette ash onto the edge of the balcony, cool air clearing his head too fast and he could feel his claustrophobia setting in, taking a deep breath to reign it in and remembering there was just one door between him and his friends. But strangely, he didn't feel unsafe for once, oddly calm in the presence of this quiet stranger who'd not been as creepy as he anticipated. "So do you always do this?"

"Do what?"

"Approach random people at parties and not leave them alone?"

He scoffed softly, not sounding that offended despite the fact that Sei was basically calling him a creep and essentially suggesting that he fuck off. "Not usually no, but you looked so bored I felt a bit sorry for you."

Wow, that hit him in all the wrong places. He felt sorry for him? This was based on pity? Well didn't that make him feel like a million dollars?

"How sweet," his voice was cold as he spoke and he suddenly wanted to be back inside, sat next to the boy who kept throwing up because he couldn't handle whatever was in his cup. Pulling his beanie down further over his head and pretending to shiver, hoping maybe he'd be able to get back inside without this Mizuki guy stopping him with more dumb, unnecessary conversation he didn't really want to be a part of.

"Just telling it like it is," he shrugged, seemingly completely unbothered that his choice of pull was so stubborn. "To be honest, I was about to leave, and you were by yourself surrounded by drunk perverts and I was going to offer to get you a taxi home, or walk you or something."

Sei stared at him, was he seriously meant to believe that? "Right, well I'm good thanks, I've got another hour of this then I'll be walking the idiots home and going to bed."

"Why don't you just tell them to look after themselves? If this isn't what you want to be doing why did you let them talk you into it? Your friends shouldn't really make you do things you don't want to."

"Do you not have friends? Because that's really not how they work, they've been annoying me about this for weeks."

"What if I said I don't have friends?"

"I wouldn't believe you." He countered quickly, because really, having no friends was almost impossible for anybody, even on this crappy island, and it would be a sure sign of creepiness that this guy just didn't exude.

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Because who goes to a party unless they were invited or know somebody there?"

"Maybe I do."

"I don't think so," he shook his head, this conversation was wearing thin now and his cigarette had burnt down, throwing it off the balcony. He spun around to face him, momentarily taken aback as he almost collided with his chest, taking a neat, if not slightly disgruntled step backwards, "look, is there something you want?"

"Do I have to want something?" He asked, voice almost colder than the breeze, stubbing his cigarette out hard on the balcony edge, grinding the sparks into the air.

Sei knew his expression was hard, maybe he was reading too much into this, maybe he just wanted to talk, or maybe he'd been sincere about making sure he got home okay. He just knew that he wouldn't be doing, or saying any of this if the buzz off his last joint didn't still linger in the back of his brain. "Most people do. So what's your angle?"

"No angle, maybe I just saw a cute boy and wanted to talk to him."

Sei scoffed at that, turning to look out over the island once more, almost all black except the occasional actually functioning street light and the window of somebody still awake at his stupid hour. "Sure," he rolled his eyes, what a fucking cliché, who did this guy think he was?

"You really can't take a compliment," he sounded amused as he chuckled, voice almost wondering as he sighed, movement of his shaking head clear in Sei's returning peripherals.

"Maybe I didn't come here to be chatted up," he reasoned, it was irritating, he'd planned to sit quietly in his corner, maybe get a little high then round up his idiotic friends and herd them home, not to draw any attention to himself. Especially not that sort of attention.

"Then why did you come?"

"I told you, my friends made me."

"If that was true you wouldn't still be talking to me," Sei swallowed, because damn he had a good point, at any stage he could have told him to fuck off, or even just walked into another room to get a drink, if he'd been really bothered he could have even gotten Noiz to step in and tell him to go away for him. "So maybe it's you who has the angle."

Sei smiled at that, this guy was clever, almost too clever, warping his words to make it seem like he was the one in control. "And what angle would that be?"

"I think you like the attention. You were bored and wanted to go home, you're glad to have somebody pay attention to you because your friends never do. You pretend you don't like being 'chatted up', as you put it, but you just don't know how to react because it doesn't normally happen because you're too busy being invisible."

Sei just hoped he hadn't heard his breath hitch, catching in his throat because shit he was right, he was almost annoyed he'd worked him out that fast, most people didn't get why he objected to these parties so much. It was because his usually absent or distant friends only payed him attention when they were pestering him to come, then the minute he agreed and they arrived, they'd disperse and ignore him again.

"Didn't know you were a psychiatrist," his reply was cool, as if the others words hadn't stirred something painful in his chest that made his lungs burn as he breathed in the cold night air.

"Oh I'm not, just observant." He smiled, and it was so disarming Sei felt his own face relax, mouth twitching up unbidden. "So am I allowed to chat you up now?"

"You really are persistent, aren't you?"

He shrugged, grin wide and friendly, "it's a character flaw. I'm sure you've got some of your own."

"Like assuming people have angles?" The other inclined his head in agreement and Sei couldn't hide a breathy laugh, shaking his head and looking away, if this was Mizuki's attempt at chatting up, he wasn't very good at it. "But I suppose if you wanted to try and chat me up, I wouldn't be averse."

"I think we're a bit past that now, don't you?" Mizuki asked, and he was right, as he had the nasty habit of always being, so it seemed. They'd bypassed the new people flirting stage and gotten into some strange deep discussion that Sei blamed on his weed and the shock of the cold air against his face. He could feel the wind blowing through the knit of his jumper, wishing he'd worn a vest under it like Aoba had suggested, the low back left his spine exposed to the elements and he shivered. Sei just hummed in agreement, "so what now?"

His head was fuggy with disabling mist, his anxiety was already pretty much absent and he knew his self-control wasn't exactly in its normal state as he spoke, but hell, if the rest of his friends could go to parties and hook up with random people, why the hell couldn't he.

"We could make out."

There was a pause as Mizuki turned to observe him, as if checking he wasn't joking or teasing him more, licking at his bottom lip very distractingly. "And here I thought you didn't like me."

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm bored and you're… Alright." That was an outright lie, Mizuki was gorgeous, sex on legs as Koujaku would embarrassingly call him, had he admitted he wasn't straight, anyway. His tan skin looked almost warm and Sei wanted to know if it was, his smile was genuine and his green eyes were sharp and shone under the cloud-covered sky, he wanted to touch the teardrop on his cheek, to see if he was as muscled under that shirt as he looked. He was remarkably, almost unfairly attractive, almost exactly Sei's type, bigger than him, muscled and charismatic, with that glint of danger that always made his pulse rise. He reminded him of Noiz a little, and although his attraction to his brothers boyfriend was something he kept hidden, he couldn't help but admit he liked the similarities.

"Well I'm flattered," he remarked, smile growing almost shy because really, Sei had been pretty blunt, and he was sure that wasn't how these things normally worked.

"So you should be, I don't exactly do this often," he smiled, biting at his lip because he was getting closer, heat seeping through his clothes into the still air between them, crackling with electricity and suddenly he felt stone cold sober.

His smile was too much, soft and almost shy but his eyes screamed confidence and his body moved fluidly, moving forwards until Sei found himself almost trapped in the corner of the balcony. "Then I'll make sure to enjoy it." His voice was low and silky, and Sei swallowed in the second before he crossed the line between acceptable and unacceptable in terms of personal space. His hand was large, and rough on his cheek, calloused fingertips tilting his chin up and his lips parting automatically, chest tight and cheeks pink with anticipation because this build up was killing him.

His breathing was soft and shallow, vision almost blurry and eyes fixated on his face, those olive eyes speckled with amber and brown tones, warm colors that matched the heat of his touch, burning his skin. He gasped as a strong arm wrapped around him, flush against the bare small of his back and suddenly he thanked God for making this particular jumper, blunt nails running over his skin lightly and a breathy chuckle from the other, warm air washing over his face turning his breath to mush.

It must have been milliseconds, but it felt like hours before Mizuki finally closed the gap, lips damp and lightly chapped as they overlapped his and he could breathe again. It was soft, hand on the base of his spine pulling him in closer and his own hands, til now frozen with anticipation, resting on firm biceps, one creeping up to rest on a shoulder.

Sei liked all kinds of kissing, chaste and closed mouthed, slow and gentle, rough and biting, but this wasn't enough for him right now, he wanted to taste Mizuki properly, to feel his body against him and he knew he was in deep trouble. His self-consciousness had melted away and he flicked at the others lip with his tongue, almost choking on a gasp as he all but pushed him into the wall, bricks hard and cold against his skin and oh God they were so close. The hand round his middle was fierce now, fingers pressing into his skin and lips hot and hungry and insistent on his, tongue flicking against his just the right amount so it didn't feel gross. He could feel Mizuki's body fluid against his, rubbing against him perfectly and fuck he was a good kisser, he felt light headed and dizzy with pleasure.

His senses were overwhelmed by the scent and taste of the other, it was like he was getting high off him, intoxicated on the almost sweet taste of his lips, sharp undertone of strong alcohol sliding down his throat and making his stomach jump and flutter. Brave enough to slide a hand up the back of his t-shirt, feeling strong, rippling muscles spread out under his splayed out fingertips. Teeth nipped at his bottom lip hard and a moan escaped from his throat but he was too far gone to even be embarrassed, jerking as a knee shoved between his thighs because oh wow that felt good. He almost whimpered as Mizuki's fingers traced along to his stomach, sliding across the smooth, white skin above his waistband, trying to find a reason to slow this down but brain too occupied to think of a single one.

"Sei?"

They broke apart quickly, and he suddenly realized how wet his chin was, he wasn't sure if that was hot or disgusting, but he was certain it wasn't the latter. Gasping to catch his breath, Mizuki's hands still warm and firm on his hips, grounding him, he felt like without them he would have floated off into nothingness.

Turning to see who the voice belonged to and eyes growing wide in alarm, pulling his hands out of Mizuki's shirt with more than a little regret as a pierced eyebrow raised and a knowing smirk spread across his asshole face.

"Noiz, hey." He tried to sound casual, but Mizuki was backing away and everything in him screamed to grab him and carry on where they'd left off, voice airy and breathy as he tried to fill his lungs, taste of Mizuki rich on his tongue. "What's up?"

"Oh nothing much, we were wondering where you got to. I bet you're glad Aoba didn't find you first." His smirk was too pleased for Sei's liking, trying vainly to fix his hat and pulling his jumper back onto the shoulder it had begun to fall off, incredibly aware of how bad this looked, and of how fucking awkward he suddenly felt. But most of all, he was remarkably irritated that Noiz had chosen now to interfere, when he was finally having fun.

"Not that glad…" he muttered, although he knew that had Aoba found them there was a chance Mizuki would be nursing a black eye right now, he was horribly protective of his twin and would most likely assume Mizuki had been taking advantage.

"Anyway, who's your friend?" Sei's glare didn't reduce his grin any, if anything he just smiled wider as Mizuki cleared his throat awkwardly, presumably not having expected them to get caught, or at least not by somebody either of them knew.

"Er," for a minute he'd forgotten everything, too alarmed at the sudden plummet from the dizzying heights he'd been on. "Oh, this is Mizuki, that's Noiz."

"Hi," he waved awkwardly, hands placed neatly in his back pockets, presumably not aware that his shirt collar was twisted out of place and he looked as wrecked as Sei felt, pupils blown wide and lips swollen and red.

"So, how long have you kids known each other?" If looks could kill, Noiz would have died a long time ago, but this would have been the final nail in his coffin, and Sei was half tempted to lie, luckily, or not, Mizuki took that decision away from him.

"Um, like an hour?" If he was any closer, Sei would have hit him, but that might sacrifice any future opportunities for making out, and he wasn't about to risk that.

"Oh really?" Noiz was like the cat that got the cream, shooting Sei an almost blackmailing look, and he knew it wouldn't be above him to use this information as a bargaining chip in the future.

"Yeah. So what did you want?"

"Koujaku's passed out, figured it was time to go." He spoke casually, shrugging as his eyes surveyed Mizuki with interest, lime green eyes not showing much of anything as they lingered on his neck tattoo.

"Brilliant," he muttered, because that meant the rest of them were probably utterly drunk too and he'd have to help them home and, in Koujaku's case at least, literally put them to bed. "Yeah alright, I'm coming." He turned to Mizuki, shyness suddenly returned as he regarded him because he couldn't believe he'd kissed someone so handsome, not to mention had it returned so enthusiastically. "I have to go."

"Yeah, I um, heard." He looked as nervous as Sei felt, crimson staining his cheeks and rubbing the back of his neck nervously, it was cute. "Um, could I, get your number? Maybe?"

"Um, yeah, sure" he was taken aback, he hadn't expected that, and he could feel his cheeks lighting up like a schoolgirl being asked out by her crush, shrugging then nodding, trying to look casual. He pulled up his sleeve slightly, pressing their coils together as the information synced. "I'm saving you as Mr. Persistent, by the way."

He laughed at that, Noiz's confusion only adding to Sei's amusement, managing a genuine smile and a wave as he followed the bemused German through the door into the party.

"We'll have to do this again sometime," was Mizuki's parting comment, but the door was shut before he could hear Noiz's laughter at Sei's red cheeks and alarmed spluttering. Well, all he had to do now was ensure Noiz's silence.

He had only just opened his mouth when Noiz spoke, "relax, I'm not going to tell him. But… An hour, huh? You sure move fast."

"Shut up," he complained, elbowing him in the side and frowning, because he wasn't normally like that. "It was a one off."

"Whatever you say. Next time, I recommend you find a bedroom, some people don't like it when you fuck on their balcony."

As usual, he was gone before Sei could do much more but splutter, leaving him crimson cheeked and disheveled in the middle of the hallway.

* * *

"Wow it's hot in here," Noiz's voice broke through the thrumming of the bass under his feet, prompting Sei to turn lazily towards him, blinking though the usual haze of smoke, having already been scolded by Aoba for twenty minutes about his behavior, because didn't he know weed was illegal?

"Yeah," Aoba agreed, already on his second drink and beginning to slur unnervingly, nodding as if Noiz had said something very deep and meaningful instead of just making a dull, and rather uncharacteristic comment on the temperature.

"You know Sei, I saw that friend of yours before," he spoke as if it was no big deal, but the gleam in his eyes showed he knew exactly what he was doing, having kept silent about Sei's behavior at the last party so far.

"Oh really?" He inquired casually, taking another drag of his joint like he wasn't really bothered, even though he was suddenly very aware of Noiz's words, wondering why Mizuki hadn't told him he was coming, since they'd been texting back and forth for nearly a month now.

"Hm, he was having a cigarette I think."

"What friend?" Aoba asked, seemingly not reading into the rather obvious undertones of their words, looking genuinely curious as Sei shifted next to him, watching nervously as he poured more vodka into his glass.

"Oh, just a guy from school," that was bullshit, and it was obvious since Aoba and Sei had gone to school together, but it seemed to assuage any worries he had, just nodding and turning to poke Noiz.

"I wanna dance!" Noiz looked suitably alarmed as his boyfriend practically plastered himself to his side, but he stood up nonetheless, watching Aoba wobble on his feet with some concern and a little irritation. "We'll be right back."

"I'm just gunna go get some air," Sei spoke, pointing towards the balcony and feigning normalcy even as Noiz's face split into a smirk.

"Sure you are," he replied, but Aoba was yanking him away before he could say anything else, leaving Sei to check himself over quickly before grabbing his jacket and heading to the balcony. Sight of familiar, leather clad shoulders greeting him and thinking as he met a green eyed smile, that this party wasn't all that bad.


End file.
